On this 12th Day of Christmas, my final entry in response to the question of Fr. Delp – How are things different now that Christ is born – and the three characteristics of God – the Patience of God, the Closeness of God, and the Tenderness of God.
I desire to live a life of tenderness. I have had glimpses
of this in relationships with people facing difficulty.
When my dad was progressively weakening with congestive
heart failure, my wife and I would make more and more frequent drives to
Chicago, the six hours each way opportunity for preparation and reflection. For
those condensed weekends, I was able to focus caring and kindness, knowing that
my wife and I would soon be back in our car with time to reflect and recharge
our batteries. An unforgettable
experience was that of my dad who was not expressive of his emotions looking
into my eyes and saying “Johnny, you’re so kind to me.”
When my friend Fred had been diagnosed with terminal brain
cancer, I had the opportunity in my retirement to sign up to spend time with
him once a week. As with my dad, the
focused, short-term time with him allowed me to be very kind and loving. I was free to be the best of myself. Fred came to know me at my best, and in his
eyes I saw myself at my best as well.
My relationships with people experiencing homelessness has
mellowed over time, allowing me to focus on them, help them see their own
dignity and value…because I have been blessed to see them as good, as my dad and
Fred saw me.
As I have reflected on these experiences of tenderness, I
realize that tenderness is a fruit of patience and closeness. These times with my dad, with Fred, with my
acquaintances on the street are really effortless. The effort that preceded
them were being getting past impatience and isolation.
So today on the 12th Day of Christmas, I’ve
outlined what I’ve come to learn about Patience and Closeness, and set out some
closing thoughts on Tenderness.
1.
Patience
a.
With myself: allow time to be simply loved by
God, to learn God as source of all, and my primary and essential identity as beloved
b.
With others
i. Grace
to keep in mind they will not grow as I think they should
ii. Grace
to keep in mind that they are as imperfect as I am
c.
With God
i. God
as friend – is not made in my image; God’s ways are not my ways. God is
perfection, harmony, truth and beauty, goodness…but not as I define or expect.
d.
Withal: nature other than man shows growth as
slow, seasonal
1.
Do I accept starts and lags in myself and others
as natural, or as failings of consistency and persistence, as imperfection to
be grown beyond?
2.
Do I respect the season of my own life (retired
and aging)?
2.
Closeness: as night and day guide all of nature
to work and rest, closeness to God in solitude and closeness to God in human
companionship are gifts in alternation as well as combination.
a.
To others
i. This
Christmas gift of God-as-Love calls me to be accept the gift and share it. Being drawn into relationships is natural.
ii. Aversion to others is based on fear of them or
of my own inadequacy, each a failure of trust in God’s love.
iii. Physics
and grace consort to draw me to the other.
As I get closer, attraction increases, grace providing what is needed
for the relationship.
b.
To myself - sitting with myself, accepting of my
imperfection, respecting my own needs, physical and emotional
c.
To God: time for nothing but God, in prayer, liturgy,
nature
d.
To all: delight in beauty of nature, including
people, without taking responsibility to nurture or change, to remake them
according to my preference
3.
Tenderness:
My tenderness has come in focused relationships, condensed periods of
time. I thought momentarily that it was
like putting on a costume of kindness and acting out the part. But I think it was actually removing the
shell of my self-doubt and fear and acting as my true self. What difference it
makes to me that Christ is born – Fr. Delp’s question – will show in the degree
that I am this true self with my wife, my children, my neighbors, those who I
see without the gift of preparation and focus.
But I need to remember that the Pope spoke of these three characteristics as characteristics of God. They will never be mine except through the unearned and freely given gift of GRACE!
FreeLemonadeStand by John J. Daniels is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
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